Forgive Us Our Trespasses
by spitzthecat
Summary: What happens after Josh and Donna get on the plane in Transition
1. Chapter 1

"I, um, thought you said you didn't know if Josh was seeing anyone." Matt Santos couldn't help the insufferable smirk gracing his face.

"It's complicated. We're not…" Donna couldn't help blushing. She was in the President-Elect's office to tell him she was going with Josh on his vacation even though she had no idea where they were going. Only that they were leaving first thing in the morning and Josh hadtold her to pack for the tropics.

"Mmm hmmm." Santos spun around in his chair like a little boy.

"Sir… I… We've…" Donna stumbled around trying to define the thing between herand Josh.

"Go," Santos laughed, letting her off the hook. "Go help that workaholic whatever of yours figure out if he wants a life. I'll take care of letting people know where you are."

Donna gave him a grateful smile and slipped out the door. It was relatively easy to grab her things unnoticed. The staff was still grouped around Otto, commiserating with him about the abuse Josh had heaped on him. Watching them, Donna had a quick flash of memory and gained a bit of insight into what had driven Josh to the edge he teetered on so precariously: there continued to be a dearth of people he could trust to approach the transition the way he felt it should be approached

She remembered the way Mrs. Landingham had reacted whenever she came across a group of young staffers complaining about their bosses. She would firmly remind them thatthey did important work for powerful people and their behavior reflected on thecandidate (after the election, the President). It was never a gentle rebuke, but an unyielding expectation of behavior. Leo had never had to handle disciplinary issues with the junior staff. No one on the Bartlet transition team would have dreamed of badgering Leo for a job the way Otto had been after Josh. Delores Landingham had set the example and insisted it be followed. There had been no one to play that role on this campaign.

She felt a twinge of guilt, knowing that Mrs. Landingham would have expected her to play the mother hen tothis motley crew of recent college graduates and still**-**wet-behind-the-ears congressional aides. It had been too late by the time she'd joined the campaign, though and it wasn't a job she wanted anyway – she was a political operative in her own right, not Josh's faithful lackey. Sam's presence would help, Donna thought as the elevator door closed on the scene. He would be the buffer between Josh and the staff that everyone so desperately needed. And she could continue advancing her career without having to worry about whether or not Josh was terrorizing the staff.


	2. Chapter 2

Sitting on the balcony of the hotel room, Josh watched the moon begin its journey through the heavens. His body craved sleep, but his mind wouldn't allow it. The day had been long: six hours flying coach, including a two-hour layover in those uncomfortable airport chairs, followed by a three-hour shopping expedition during which Donna bought everything she hadn't brought from D.C.. Then there had been a 30-minute ferry ride to the island and the taxi ride from hell to the resort. By the time they reached their room, Josh could have happily collapsed on the bed and slept for a week, but Donna had wanted to eat dinner, followed by a couple of drinks at the bar on the beach. It had been an intimate and comfortable time during which they'd looked over some activity brochures and playfully argued about what they wanted to do the next day. By the time they returned to the room and made love, Josh's brain had gotten over the shock of not being in D.C., and so here he sat, on the balcony staring at the ocean and listening to the waves lapping up on shore, unable to sleep.

He took a deep breath of the salt-tinged air and exhaled, trying one of the breathing exercises he'd learned in respiratory therapy all those years ago after the shooting. They used to have a relaxing effect on him, but these days, Josh doubted anything could relax him. Or at least stop him from thinking and worrying.

It was the worrying that had kept him up every night since Leo's funeral. Worrying about how he would staff 6,000 jobs with the neophytes from the campaign and the political sharks circling the transition team. There were a number of people he wanted to poach from the Bartlet Administration, especially the legislative affairs staff he'd put together eight years ago, but he doubted they'd stay. Eight years was a long time to spend in the pressure cooker of the White House. To even consider another four automatically made you a nut job, Josh knew. And his own eagerness to do it again undoubtedly made him the head nut.

Josh took another deep breath. It was the head nut thing keeping him up tonight. He had no idea how he could balance being the Chief of Staff and maintain a defined, healthy relationship with Donna. Hell, he didn't even know if Donna wanted to have a defined relationship with him. Every time they discussed it, she got vague on him. Even when she suggested they figure it out in four weeks, now threeweeks and fourdays, she hadn't given him a clue about what she wanted. Only that if they couldn't define it, she was willing to let it go.

The thought that she could so casually dismiss this thing they'd danced around for nine years was terrifying. What if they did define it and there came times that he had to put work first, would she still be so willing to let go of him? It wasn't like she'd never walked away from him before. The first time had been mystifying; the second ripped him apart. He didn't know if he could endure her leaving him a third time.

"Come to bed, Joshua." Donna's sleepy voice carried from the king-sized bed that overpowered the small hotel room and interrupted his brooding.

He stood and went inside and slipped into bed with her. He reached out to touch her warm skin and allowed her to tug on his hand until his body was curled around hers. The feeling of contentment he'd enjoyed earlier in the day returned and he could feel his mind finally start to slow down.


	3. Chapter 3

It was nearly 10 o'clock by the time Josh opened his eyes. His heart nearly stopped when he realized light was streaming in the windows, but the playful way Donna called "good morning, sleepyhead" from the balcony reminded him of where he was and that made him smile.

After stretching and donning his boxers, he joined Donna in the sun.

"Is there any coffee?" he asked, settling in the other chair.

"Orange juice." Donna nodded at the pitcher she'd ordered from room service. "I'm detoxifying and so are you."

Josh shook his head in disbelief, but thought better of whining. There was probably enough caffeine in his system to hold him through midterms.

"Are you working?" Josh noticed Donna's cell phone lying on top of a notepad next to the orange juice pitcher as he poured himself a glass.

"I'm keeping tabs on my voicemail in case something important comes up, yes. Am I returning all those calls today? No. Why?"

"I just… I guess I didn't… I thought we weren't working," Josh finished lamely. He had left behind his laptop, his Blackberry, his Treo and his pager in an effort to comply with Sam's demand that he vacation. It shocked him that Donna had brought her phone along.

"We're not. I didn't bring my laptop and I'm just keeping the voicemail empty in case of emergency. One of us needed to bring a phone. What if Sam needs something?" It boggled Donna's mind that Josh thought she would go on vacation without any way for people to get in touch with them.

Josh pursed his lips, but decided not to push the issue. He couldn't put his discontent into words except to say it seemed to him like something one of his previous girlfriends, like Amy or Mandy, would do and he knew enough to not say that out loud.

"What do you think we should do today?" Josh changed the subject having decided there was no point in arguing.

"How does lunch and a day at the beach with a novel you wouldn't be caught dead reading in D.C. sound?" Donna had brought a few novels along for just this purpose: cheesy romance for her and a choice for Josh that included legal thrillers and a couple of non-fiction sports-oriented books.

"Do I get to smear sunscreen all over you?" Josh waggled his eyebrows at her.

Donna gave him a suggestive smile. "It depends."

"On what?"

"On what you decide we should do for the next hour or so, until they start serving lunch."

Josh cocked his head and pretended to consider the options. "I think we should work up an appetite."

It was nearly one o'clock before Josh got to slather Donna in sunscreen. She positioned two beach chairs overlooking the bay while Josh procured both a large sun umbrella and some paper-umbrella laced drinks.

"Pina colada?" He presented Donna the slushy white beverage with a waiter's flourish.

"And getting caught in the rain?" Donna giggled.

"Careful, you'll jinx our beach time," Josh laughed and settled awkwardly into his chair. They relaxed peacefully for a few moments, their pasty white bodies soaking in every ray of tropical sun.

"This is okay isn't it?" Josh broke the silence, suddenly feeling a wave of insecurity. "I mean, you always said you wanted to go to Hawaii, but I didn't want to waste an entire day traveling each way and this was only a six hour flight…"

"St. John is fine," Donna interrupted, turning her face toward him and drawing one leg up. "It's got a nice secluded feel to it."

"I thought about the Caymans, but I didn't want to worry about passports or…" Josh trailed off as Donna's cell phone trilled and she reached into her bag to answer it. "Maybe I should have done the Caymans," he muttered. "The damn cell phone probably wouldn't work…"

"Whoa, CJ, slow down," Donna exclaimed. She was getting an earful from her friend. "Stop and start over, I don't have any idea what you're talking about… I understand that's not what you talked to Josh about… No, we're not deliberately undermining the diplomatic efforts to… NO! CJ! This is not... I think you should be discussing this with Sam… Well, if that's what Sam said, then… I'm sorry his voicemail is full, CJ, but you aren't the only one who wants to talk to… I know what your job title is!"

Even though he was only hearing half the conversation, Josh had a damn good idea what it was about and reached his hand out to Donna, making a 'give it to me' motion with his fingers. She pulled the phone away from her ear and handed it to Josh, who pressed the end button, terminating the conversation. He then pressed it again, long enough to power down the phone down and tossed it back to Donna.

"Santos is talking to the Chinese?" Donna asked, trying not to be annoyed that he'd hung up on CJ in her name.

"Didn't you say you brought me a book?" Josh ignored her question. He was working very hard to not let the transition cross his mind and since there was nothing he could do about the President-Elect's continued contacts with the Chinese, he was determined not to let himself get wound up.

"Seriously, Josh! Santos is bashing the President's intervention in Kazakhstan to the Chinese? Why would you let him do that?" Donna continued, blowing Josh's resolve out of the water.

"Is that what CJ just told you? That I was letting him do it? This might come as a bit of a shock to both of you, but I don't let the President-Elect do anything. If he thinks about it, he'll tell me what he did after the fact! I resent the fact that CJ seems to think that I ought to be pulling the President-Elect's strings like he's some kind of marionette and I'm the puppet master!" Josh got to his feet and stormed off down the beach.

Donna stared after him, startled at the vehemence of his response. Obviously staffing and prioritizing the legislative agenda weren't the only reasons Josh was stressed out. She'd had no idea he was having problems with Santos and CJ's anger had been palpable even over the phone.

Donna fiddled with her cell phone. She knew it was best to give Josh time to cool off and she wanted to apologize to CJ for his having hung up on her, so she turned the phone back on and dialed Margaret's direct number. The conversation was short and terse. It was plain that CJ was feeling tremendous pressure from the NSA and the State Department to get the incoming administration in line. Her comment about Josh's 'blatant disregard for international diplomacy' was over the top, though, Donna thought, and made it clear CJ had no idea either she or Josh were on vacation. It was an easy decision to not tell CJ that she was with Josh on the Virgin Islands, but Donna did acquiesce to telling him CJ wanted to talk to him.

When her conversation was over, Donna headed down the beach to look for Josh. She found him sitting on a washed-up piece of driftwood with his vacant gaze trained on the water.

"Hey," she said gently.

Josh gave her a glance and returned to staring out at the waves without speaking.

"I didn't know." Donna didn't feel the need to apologize for anything she'd said, but a showing little empathy here wouldn't kill her. "I didn't know what was going on and it was wrong of me to suggest that you were letting him do what CJ suggested he was doing."

"And what precisely did CJ suggest he was doing this time?" Josh asked wearily before changing his mind. "You know what, never mind. I don't want to know. It's just going to piss me off."

"She wants you to call her." Donna proffered the phone Josh, unsure whether he'd use it to call Washington or hurl it into the ocean. "She apparently doesn't know we're on vacation."

"Can we turn that thing off for the rest of the time we're here?" Josh made sure to phrase his question as a request not a demand. Ten minutes of breathing exercises had his temper barely back under control.

"You aren't going to call her?"

"No," he said simply. "Before we left, I left a message with Margaret that Sam would be liaising with the White House for the remainder of the transition and if CJ needed anything, she should call him."

"Oh. CJ didn't seem to know that." Donna defended her friend.

"I really don't want to talk about CJ, Donna, I'm sorry and I'm sorry I snapped at you. It's just that I wanted this week to be about us and to clear my head and at the least get some clarity on what I want going forward. Maybe figure out how to not be monomaniacal," Josh finished with a half-hearted smile.

Donna surveyed his hangdog look, but hesitated. She was perfectly capable of looking at the caller ID as a method of determining whether or not to answer the phone. From here on out, she'd just add CJ to the list of people whose calls went to voicemail.

When Donna didn't shut the phone off, Josh felt as though a bucket of cold water had just been tossed over him. Had he misread this thing between them so badly? Was it just a campaign fling that hadn't had the sense to fall over dead yet? Did she want nothing more from him than sex?

"Let's go back," Donna suggested, taking Josh's hand and pulling him to his feet.

Josh allowed himself to be led down the beach and took the book Donna pulled from her bag for him. He smiled at the title and cover art. _The Bad Guys Won! A Season of Brawling, Boozing, Bimbo-chasing, and Championship Baseball with Straw, Doc, Mookie, Nails, The Kid, and the Rest of the 1986 Mets, the Rowdiest Team Ever to Put on a New York Uniform--and Maybe the Best_ was possibly the longest book title he'd ever seen, but any book about his beloved Mets was a book he could consider reading.

Donna hid behind her own novel and watched Josh actually turn the pages of his book until she managed to convince herself that he was actually reading it. The paperback in her hands held far less appeal and she allowed herself time to ponder whether being out of D.C. for the week would do any permanent damage to the contacts she was fostering with the press. CJ had done so well with the White House Press Corps because she had been available all the time. Even if she had to get back to someone with an answer, she was at least around for the reporters to ask questions of. Granted, she doubted she was going to take the deputy press secretary position that Josh had offered her, but she was going to need a good relationship with the press if she took the job as Mrs. Santos' chief of staff since so much of advancing the First Lady's agenda would be in marketing it to the public.

She wanted to ask CJ's advice on whether to take it or to not join the administration at all. There had been plenty of offers from new and veterans members of Congress and while many of those positions had been in policy, all of them had been at the assistant deputy level and that bothered her ego more than she was willing to admit. The private sector was another option. There had been a few phone calls from lobbying firms she had ignored entirely that she could give a second look to.

The problem with asking CJ's advice was she couldn't lie to her friend and the reason this was such a difficult decision to make was that she had no idea where this thing with Josh was going. In fact, the whole thing was wigging her out. His behavior after their first time having sex had been so out of character that she'd had to leave the room to gather her emotions. His reaction to Leo's death had been predictable and she'd found her own solace in providing him comfort and emotional stability. Then they'd returned to Washington and things had gotten weirder under the pressure of the transition. Donna knew her track record with relationships was no better than Josh's, although she wouldn't admit it out loud. All of the men she'd dated in the past had expected her to subjugate her needs and desires to theirs. Not sexually, necessarily, but personally and professionally and she wasn't willing to do that again. She wanted to be with someone who thought of her as an equal and she wasn't sure Josh saw her that way, so she kept her emotional distance while trying to discern what he wanted from her.

Her musings were interrupted by the approach of one of the hotel's staff. "Mr. Lyman?"

"Yes?" Josh looked up from his book in surprise.

"Telephone for you, sir." The man produced a cordless phone and thrust it at Josh. "A Mr. Seaborn. He said it was urgent."

Josh took the phone. "D.C. better be on fire, Sam."

"I'm starting to understand why you needed a damn vacation…"

"It's not a vacation if I'm on the phone with you."

"First of all, who the hell hired Amy Gardner?"

"The President-Elect. I give it even money whether she makes it to the inauguration. What do you need, Sam?"

"CJ's on the rampage…" Sam lowered his voice. "Josh, I'm sorry, but you have to call her."

"Did you tell her I was on vacation?"

"Yes, actually, I did tell her that. You know how much good it did? None."

"Sam, I am on a vacation you insisted I take, doing my damnedest to not think about anything related to Washington, politics or the transition. CJ is going to have to get over the fact that I'm dealing with more important issues right now then whether the President-Elect is behaving the way she thinks he should. How in the hell am I supposed to make the most important decision of my life with God and everyone calling me about work?"

"CJ called Donna, didn't she?"

"Yes, she did."

"Tell Donna to turn her phone off and I'll handle it."

Josh tossed the phone back to the hotel worker. "Sorry about that. It won't happen again."

"That was quite the guilt trip you gave Sam, there." Donna pulled her sunglasses down and dangled the opportunity out there for Josh to pick up on. "What's the most important decision of your life?"

"Whether or not I should get one," Josh said, flashing his dimples at her trying to silently convey that any life he got needed to include her.

"The most important decision in your life is whether or not you should get a life?"

"Donna, three days ago, I was existing on Tums and Red Bull and tearing the head off a 23-year-old kid because I forgot I gave him my Blackberry…" Josh pointed out.

"I'll give you that, but isn't having a life really a no-brainer? You just spend less time at work."

"For you, maybe it's a no-brainer, but work and politics is all I've done my entire life. I'm more than a little out of practice with the whole 'living' thing. Do I need to find a balance? Yes, but I need to know what the counterweight is." Josh hadn't intended to start a conversation about their relationship, but there it was – hanging in midair, waiting for her response.

"I guess that is a pretty important decision," Donna said after a long pause. Josh had nibbled at her bait but hadn't bit, and there was no way she was putting herself on the line first. She'd made all the first moves so far. Any discussion they had about this was going to be initiated by him. It wouldn't kill him to be a man about what was going on between them.


	4. Chapter 4

Day two of their 6 day, 7 night tropical escape dawned warm and sunny. Josh rose first and ordered a light breakfast of fruit and warm croissants from room service. As they ate, he suggested taking a hike and exploring the national forest that encompassed most of the island. The night before, during one of Donna's trips to the restroom, their waiter at the hotel's beach-side bar had told him about the trails that wove through the national forest and the route to take to get to a secluded cove.

After Sam's phone call and the way they'd danced around the subject of their relationship, Josh had come to the conclusion that he and Donna needed to talk it out, get things out in the open between them and decide what they wanted. And that wasn't going to happen if they were sitting on a public beach or in a bar or an outdoor café where there were other people around. They needed to have it out in the middle of nowhere, where if either one of them ran away from the conversation, they were likely to get lost.

"You want to explore nature?" Donna teased him gently.

"How many times do I have to tell you I'm an outdoorsman?"

Donna couldn't help laughing. "I think the last time you mentioned that was right before you and Sam tried to set the White House on fire."

"How were we supposed to know the flue was welded shut?" Josh tried to defend himself, but he knew it was pointless.

"You could have read the sign."

"We could have read the sign. That is true," Josh conceded. "Now, what do you say we get dressed and see if we can follow this map I got to what is supposed to be the most spectacular white sand beach we will ever see?"

Once dressed, they headed out, stopping to pick up a backpack the concierge promised contained lunch and other necessities for a day in the wilderness. In exchange, Josh told the man where they were headed and roughly what route he planned to take. That way if they didn't return by dark, the hotel would be able to tell the authorities where to start looking for them.

The trip into the wilderness was uneventful. A taxi dropped them off at a trailhead and the driver assured them that there were taxis and buses that made regular routes around the trails to pick up tourists. It was easy going over the well-traveled trail and they made good time, despite pausing occasionally to take pictures or to gawk at the wildlife. The spur trail the waiter had told Josh about was right where the man said it would be. The going got a bit tougher as the vegetation got denser, but they pushed through it with the anticipation of what was at the end and when they shoved aside the last of the foliage, it was worth it.

"Oh my God…" Donna moved into the clearing and stopped, staring at the deserted, serene beach. "It's like something out of a movie…"

For his part, Josh stood at the edge of the forest and gaped. The white sand stretched some forty feet, with a currently exposed barrier reef mirroring the beach some twenty yards from shore, creating a sort of protected lagoon. Donna was right; it looked like something out of a movie.

Josh approached Donna from behind and wrapped his arms around her waist. Settling his chin on her shoulder, he whispered into her ear, "See, I can do nature."

They were both starved after their hike, so it was an easy decision to eat and admire their surroundings at the same time. The backpack the concierge provided contained an authentic West Indian lunch, water and a blanket. While Donna ate leisurely, Josh picked at his food, trying to make up his mind how to best start the conversation they needed to have. The night before, sitting on the balcony while Donna slept after they'd made love, he'd tried out several opening lines: everything from spineless groveling to accusations, but when faced with the actual moment, he was coming up blank. He debated how to broach the subject all the way through lunch and packing up the picnic fixings. It was only after they had waded out to the reef and were standing there watching the fish and the turtles swim beneath them that the words burst from his mouth.

"Can we talk?"

Donna nodded. She didn't think she was ready for this, but she recognized that by making Josh start the conversation, she gave up control of when it would occur.

"What are we to you?"

"I'm sorry?"

"What is this to you? Is it just a campaign fling that just hasn't fallen over and died yet, is it just casual sex until something better comes along, or do you see this being long term?"

"You think this is just casual sex?" Donna replied. She turned to face him. "Is that all you want it to be?"

"NO!" Josh yelled.

"Then why do you think it would be just about sex for me?"

Josh took a deep breath. What he was about to say would undoubtedly piss Donna off, but it was a very real concern for him and he had to have it addressed. "Because you seem awfully willing to walk away from me again if I can't meet your time frame."

"Walk away from you AGAIN? Just how many times do you think I've walked away in the past?"

"I can think of twice right off the top of my head and one of them wasn't all that long ago!"

"That has nothing to do with this!" Donna couldn't believe he was holding her career moves against her.

"It has everything to do with this because it has everything to do with us!"

"It does NOT!"

"Then tell me something you wouldn't tell me last year. Tell me why you left me for Bingo Bob?"

"Because you were holding my career up! You wouldn't do anything to help me grow in my job! Do you know that when Charlie graduated from college, President Bartlet made him hand around his resume and find himself a new job? Did you ever do that for me? No. You just kept making me answer your phones and pick up your dry cleaning."

Josh stood for a minute staring at her dumbfounded. "Did I miss something? Did you spend five years in night school getting your degree and not tell me about it?"

"That's not the point!"

"That's exactly the point, Donna. I gave you what I could. Whether you believe it or not, I gave you what I could and at the end, I didn't have a lot to give. CJ shut me out, Donna. The China thing I spent weeks on? You remember that, right? It was about the same time you told me I reminded you of a piece of candy stuck between your teeth. I got yanked off a project I spent months working on because somebody in protocol screwed up! What precisely was I supposed to give you? What job was it that you wanted?" Josh unloaded the hurt feelings he'd kept bottled up for over a year.

"You wouldn't even talk to me about it," Donna fired back. "You remember all those lunches I scheduled with you? The ones you cancelled for any and all reasons? What do you think those where about?"

"And what about that breakfast we had when you refused to talk about it? You remember? Right before you quit in the middle of the hallway?"

"I wanted to talk to you on my terms!"

"Why did you leave, Donna?" Josh brought the conversation back to the original topic. They could stand there and hurl accusations at each other until the tide came in, but it wouldn't answer his question.

"Because you…" Donna stopped short at the look of resignation on Josh's face.

"Because I held you back," Josh finished for her quietly. This was his worst case scenario. He'd given her his best effort back then and she'd left him. Why would now be any different? "I'm sorry you feel that way. I gave you everything I could. Clearly that wasn't enough and to be honest with you, Donna, I doubt my best ever will be enough for you."

Josh turned to step back into the lagoon as Donna stared after him. This was not how their conversation was supposed to go. They were supposed to cuddle on the beach and whisper sweet nothings in one another's ears and profess their love and that love would see them through whatever petty insecurities they had and they'd live happily ever after. And now, because of the way she'd quit her job a year ago, he was walking away from them?

"Don't you dare walk away from me!" Donna yelled, startling Josh as he stepped down from the reef into the lagoon.

"Shit!" Josh cried as he slipped and fell, submerging himself in the knee deep water. Getting his feet under him he stood up and shook his head to get the water from his eyes. "What?"

"That's it then? You're willing to give up whatever the hell this is between us because of some misbegotten belief you have that I don't think your best will be good enough?"

"Misbegotten belief? I'd say it's a pretty well-confirmed theory!"

"Because of what happened a year ago? I hate to break this to you, but I can separate my personal and professional lives." Donna stood over him with her hands on her hips.

"Bullshit," Josh threw back.

"Excuse me?"

"Do you remember the day we met? The day you walked into my office and hired yourself?"

"Yes."

"And why were you there?"

"What does that have to with anything?"

"You left your entire life behind to start over because you broke up with your free-loading boyfriend and you wanted to start over…" Josh trailed off. In those words, the vague reason behind the personal agony he'd felt over her departure solidified. She'd broken up with him and gone on with her life, leaving him behind.

"So what?"

"Do you not see the pattern here?"

"No, I don't, Josh." Donna was furious that he was throwing Dr. Freeride in her face.

"No, I guess you don't," Josh nodded and headed back to the beach.

Donna waited until he reached the beach before she followed. The walk in the gentle waves calmed her down some and by the time she reached where Josh was sitting on the blanket, she was ready to reset their conversation and start over.

"What is this about?" Donna asked, sitting down next to Josh, who was shoving his feet into his shoes.

"It's about how easy it seems to be for you to leave me," Josh replied distractedly. His right foot was covered in blood and he couldn't figure out why. It didn't hurt at the moment so he decided to not mention it. The last thing he wanted was Donna taking pity on him because he was bleeding. "Look, we've both done and said things to each other that were hurtful and I apologize for that. But if I'm going to make the effort to reprioritize my entire life around being with you, then I have to know that you won't bolt the minute I screw up. Because I'm going to screw up, Donna. It won't be intentional, but it'll happen. I'll get caught up in something and I'll be late or I'll forget entirely. I need to know that you won't just give up on me and walk away."

Josh cut off any answer Donna might have made by handing over her sneakers. "We should start back or the hotel is going to send out a search party."

His words stunned her. For all the ranting and raving they'd done at each other in the water, it was painfully clear to her that what he'd just said was the deepest fear in his heart and she had no response.

The hike back was strained, neither of them saying a word unless it was to warn the other of a branch to avoid or a rough spot of trail to avoid turning an ankle on. They hadn't gone a hundred yards before Josh's foot started to throb. He gutted it out without a word, doubting Donna would be at all sympathetic after the words they'd just exchanged. The wait for a taxi at the trailhead was short and they were almost back to the resort before Josh broke the silence.

"If you want to get your own room for the rest of the vacation, I would understand."

"Do you want me to?" Donna asked. On the surface it wasn't a bad idea, but it wouldn't address the issues they'd both aired standing on that reef. It would just give them an excuse to avoid them. Her preferred course of action was to finish having it out. As soon as she figured out what to say.

"I want you to do what makes you comfortable," Josh replied as the taxi pulled to a stop.

Donna waited until she got out of the cab to answer him. "I think it's best if we… Josh?" She took a quick look back inside the cab, but he was nowhere in sight.

"Over here, ma'am!" the cabbie called from his side of the taxi.

Donna darted around the car to see Josh sprawled on the ground.

"Are you all right, sir?" The doorman, having seen Josh collapse, had rushed to his aid and was helping him up. "Perhaps too much sun?"

Josh gritted his teeth, unable to hide the grimace of pain on his face. "I cut my foot on a reef."

Donna trailed behind with the backpack as the doorman gave Josh a shoulder to lean on and guided him into the lobby. "Put your foot up on an ottoman. I'll get the house doctor for you. Cuts like that can get easily infected."

"Why didn't you say something?" Donna asked. She helped him prop his foot up and proceeded to untie his shoe. Pulling it off, she gasped at his blood-soaked sock.

"Would it have done any good?"

The house doctor arrived before Donna could respond. "What have we here?"

"I cut my foot on a reef," Josh explained.

"And then he walked on it for two hours," Donna added.

"That probably wasn't the brightest move," the doctor chided Josh as he gestured for Donna to get out of the way. "I'm Dr. Collins, by the way. Let's get you out of the lobby and into my office and we'll take a look."

The doctor motioned for a bellboy, who helped Josh hobble into what looked like any waiting room in any doctor's office Josh had ever seen, except with more comfortable chairs.

"I'm going to ask your lovely wife to wait out here," Dr. Collins said, silently ordering the bellman to help Josh into another room. "It's my experience that spouses don't do so well when their loved ones are bleeding like stuck pigs, ma'am. I promise I'll fill you in once I get him cleaned up."

Donna paced for a minute and then collapsed into one of the chairs and picked up a magazine. Flipping through it, she quickly tossed it back down, unable to concentrate on it. The fight she'd had with Josh had been running through her head the entire trek back. She'd never honestly considered what Josh thought of her departure. She knew he'd been angry, of course, but she'd refused to consider that it hadn't all been a misplaced sense of victimization. CJ had cheered her on and that was all that mattered to her at the time because CJ had been the only one looking out for her future. _'You should ... go to lectures and symposia and look for opportunities with non-profits and have one-night stands with reporters from the Post Intelligencer and go on dates with ... uh, whatsisname, from the Solicitor General's office, and anything that doesn't have to do with Josh Lyman.'_

Those had been the words that had spurred her on, in combination with Josh's suffocating attentions after Gaza. She'd been so angry at the way he'd tried to screen her mail and her phone calls. Then when he'd cancelled all those lunches, she'd just snapped. She hadn't survived that car bombing to waste her life as someone's assistant.

But Josh had a point, she grudgingly admitted. She had been seeking more responsibility in a job that didn't have any give. And there was nothing she'd done during the Russell campaign that she hadn't done during her time with the Bartlet Administration. She'd even had practice with the press as a background briefer during the problems with Air Force One's landing gear and she knew more about the budgeting process than Will Bailey did. Those skills hadn't been learned in a vacuum. Plus it was true, she had never applied for a different job within the administration and she'd turned down jobs on the outside because she didn't have the self-confidence at the time to do it.

Oh hell, who was she kidding, Donna sighed. CJ had been right. She'd stayed in the job because of Josh. Not because she needed his approval or his praise, but because she needed his presence in her life every day like a drug. Her career was only half the reason she'd left. The other half was because CJ had pointed out her addiction and presented it to her as pathetic. So when she'd finally gotten fed up, she'd bolted and thrown herself into the Russell campaign, the exact same way she had thrown herself into the Bartlet campaign to escape the humiliation of finding her free-loading boyfriend in bed with a nursing student.

"Fourteen stitches. They're self-dissolving, so he won't need to see anyone to have them taken out," Dr. Collins announced, interrupting her musings. Josh hobbled out of the treatment room on crutches, his foot wrapped in gauze. The doctor handed her a plastic bag. "There's gauze, some topical antibiotic cream, a week's worth of oral antibiotics and some painkillers in there. The wound needs to be cleaned and bandaged two or three a day and he should stay off it for at least a week. If you need anything, the concierge knows how to get a hold of me."

They left the doctor's office and moved slowly across the plush lobby to the elevators.

"What did you decide about the room?" Josh asked after the doors closed and they were on their way up.

"It's pointless for me to get a room of my own. We're grown adults. I think we can peacefully co-exist for the next four days."

"I'll call the desk and have a cot sent up then."

"Where in that room are they going to put a cot? Josh, we can share a king-sized bed."

Donna led the way down the hallway and opened the door, holding it for Josh. He sat down on the edge of the bed and tugged off his remaining shoe while she put the contents of the bag the doctor had given her in the bathroom. By the time she was done, Josh was sprawled out on the bed, fully clothed minus his shoes, asleep. She shook her head, but couldn't resist gently working his shirt and shorts off and easing him under the covers.

"You don't have to…" Josh mumbled, partially waking when she tugged his shirt over his head.

"I want to," Donna said.

"…like candy…between…teeth." Only every other word or so was audible, but Donna got the gist of what he was trying to say.

"Sshhh," she whispered. "We'll talk tomorrow."


	5. Chapter 5

The sun was barely up on day three of their vacation before Donna knew there would be no talking with Josh. He'd slept fitfully and really wanted to nothing more than to be left alone.

"Look, on the flight down, you said you wanted to spend a day souvenir shopping on St. Croix. Why don't you do that today and I'll sit around with my foot up and finish the book I was reading?" Josh suggested over their complimentary breakfast.

"I'd rather not leave you here alone with your foot like that."

"It's a cut on my foot and I'm going to sit on the beach all day, Donna. I'll be fine." Josh caught himself before he got too snippy. "I just think we both need some time and space today, is all."

Donna bit her lip; maybe it was best if they weren't anywhere near each other today. She'd spent half the night lying awake trying to figure out what she was supposed to say or do in response to their argument the day before. Another few hours wouldn't hurt.

"Yeah, I suppose we do," she agreed after a bite of her bagel.

The ferry ride to St. Croix from St. John involved a stop in St. Thomas, but before long Donna found herself wandering the crowded streets of Christiansted, window shopping. She didn't feel entirely safe and part of her wished Josh was along just so she wasn't the proverbial single female tourist. Buying an iced coffee at an outdoor café, she sat under the sun and quickly lost herself in thought.

Josh's perception that what was between them was all about sex for her stung bitterly, but as she reviewed the past couple of weeks in her head, she realized he had a decent basis for that assumption. First, she'd pursued him like an alley cat: the keycard debacle in D.C., the night before the election and again during Election Day. Then the only time she'd let herself be emotionally open to him was in the aftermath of Leo's death: at the hospital, in Leo's room and again, briefly, after they'd won the election. On their return to D.C., she hadn't even considered staying at his place. That was what couples did and she couldn't bring herself to think of them that way. Josh, however, had thought it was the most obvious course of action. God, she'd given herself whiplash trying to sort through the past two weeks.

"Donna? Donna Moss?" The lilting Irish accented voice calling her name****could only be one person: Colin Ayres, photojournalist extraordinaire.

"Colin?" Donna lowered her sunglasses and smiled at the man. "What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same question," he said, returning her smile. "I thought you'd be in the States up to your ears in the election."

"Sit down!" Donna gestured to the other seat at her small table. "How have you been?"

"I've been well. So really, what are you doing in a tropical paradise 15 days after your elections?"

"I'm on vacation." Donna couldn't help blushing.

"By yourself or did your man, what was his name… Josh, finally pull his head out of his arse? Or is there someone new?" Colin was honestly curious. His memories of Josh were of a man devastated by what had happened to Donna. Colin had stayed until Donna woke up less for Donna's sake and more because his presence had visibly agitated the other man and he felt it best Josh have something to focus on other than the what-ifs of Donna's condition, even if it was his jealousy.

"Josh and I are on vacation together, yes, but the whole thing is complicated."

"Complicated! That bloke was crazy in love with you! What's complicated about that?" Colin paused and looked at Donna a bit closer. "Or do you not love him?"

"No! Of course, I love him," Donna protested.

"Then what's so complicated?"

"It's…"

"It's that crazy puritanical American thing about dating your co-workers, isn't it? You know there's a reason the Brits kicked those people out of the country 300 years ago."

"That's some of it," Donna ceded. She took a nervous sip of her coffee and stared out into the street.

"So what's the rest of it?"

"Why does it matter?" She was starting to get defensive under his questioning.

"Because you're on vacation with someone and yet you're sitting in a café all by yourself."

"How do you know I'm not waiting for him to meet me here?"

Colin shrugged. "No woman I know would keep a former lover around while she waited for her current one to show up unless she was undeniably cruel. And you are not undeniably cruel. So, where is Josh?"

"He sliced his foot open on a reef yesterday. He's back at the hotel limping around on crutches," she admitted.

"And you're not with him? Feeding him tropical fruit and changing his bandages?"

Donna groaned at the mental image. "You aren't going to give this up, are you?"

"Nope."

"We had an argument yesterday."

"From the look on your face it wasn't about whether to come shopping today." Colin gestured for the waitress to bring two of whatever Donna was drinking. He was a professional interviewer and he knew a story when he saw one. It wasn't professional interest that provoked his questions, though, it was personal: had it not been for Josh, he would have pursued something with Donna after her return home.

"It was about our relationship," Donna admitted.

Colin raised an eyebrow expectantly.

"I have no idea why I'm telling you this," she grumbled.

"Because sometimes women need an impartial man to translate and explain things to them," Colin suggested.

Donna sighed. He had a point. If nothing else, talking it out would at least help her get everything straight and she could figure out what to do from there. "Before we left Washington, I told him we had four weeks to figure out what was going on between us, and yesterday he asked me what we were to each other. He had this impression that it was just sex between us!"

"Why would he think that?" Colin remembered the way Donna had looked at Josh in that hospital room in Germany and there was no doubt in his mind that she returned the rather obvious feelings the man had for her.

"He thinks I'm going to leave him."

"You realize you're making no sense, right?" Colin asked.

Donna chuckled wryly. "It doesn't make any sense in my head either, so it doesn't surprise me."

"Why don't you start at the beginning? What happened when you went home from Germany?"

"You sound like the shrink Josh made me see."

"I'm a journalist, we use similar techniques." Colin gave her an encouraging smile. "This is clearly bothering you. I'm just saying that maybe it would help to talk it out from the beginning. Or at least, from where I last saw you."

"Okay. I flew home and Josh picked me up at the airport and after I went back to work it felt like he was suffocating me. He was intruding on my phone calls, looking at my mail, pestering me about my physical therapy…"

"He cared about you."

"But it felt like he was trying to control me. Then I wanted to do more, you know, at work and he wouldn't even talk to me about it. I was tired of just being his assistant: answering the phone, filing, picking up his dry cleaning, finding his lost luggage. I tried to schedule meetings with him to talk about me doing more, but he kept canceling."

"Canceling because he didn't want to talk or canceling because he had to?"

"Whose side are you on?" Donna demanded.

"I'm not on anyone's side. I'm trying to get the whole story. You said he kept canceling your meetings. I want to know if he was purposely avoiding you or if he had legitimate reasons to cancel." From the way she asked the question, though, Colin already knew the answer. She had taken his normally busy and chaotic schedule personally.

Donna chewed the inside of her lip. As much as she wanted to be the put-upon victim here, she knew the answer. "His lunch meetings got canceled all the time."

"Why did you schedule yourself at lunch?"

"I wanted to get him out of the building, to have his full attention."

"And he wouldn't give it to you. Why do think that was?"

"Are you sure you're not a shrink?"

Colin laughed. "Just similar techniques."

"He was busy," Donna acknowledged. "He'd been putting together a summit in China and had it taken away from him at the last minute, and the President was having an MS attack."

"But you couldn't wait?"

"No! I couldn't wait because it was never a good time. If it hadn't been the China trip it would have been some other problem!" Donna realized she was almost shouting and lowered her voice. "So, I quit. Right there in the middle of the West Wing."

"What did you do then?"

"I went to work for the Vice-President's campaign for President."

"What did Josh do?"

"Josh went out and found this nobody dark-horse candidate and convinced him to run."

"Did you two see each other at all?"

The way she said "occasionally" gave Colin a great deal of insight. "I take it all was not well."

"He told me my candidate sucked and I should be working for him."

"Was he right?"

"About which part?" Donna asked with raised eyebrows. Colin returned the expression until she answered. "My candidate was an idiot, but I really did need to be out on my own, away from him. I'd spent the last seven years as an appendage to him and I needed to see for myself that I was as good as other people kept telling me I was."

"How did you end up working for Josh again?"

"How do you know I did?"

"I've been working where there's electricity. I've seen you and Josh both on TV in the past couple of months. It seemed you were representing the same candidate."

"He wouldn't hire me at first. I applied for a job as his deputy and he threw a bunch of quotes from the primaries back in my face…" Donna trailed off, remembering that mortifying conversation.

"Donna?" Colin prompted.

"Nothing," she replied hastily.

"So Josh didn't hire you to be his deputy?"

"No, the communications director called me a couple days later and hired me to coordinate Midwest press coverage and before I knew it I was doing a national press conference and became the de facto Santos for President spokesperson."

"How did that go over?"

"Things were a little weird at first, but we got back into our groove pretty quickly. Then about two weeks before the election, we got this great polling data and I knocked on Josh's door to tell him about it and all of a sudden we were kissing." Donna's hands unconsciously trailed down her neck as she recalled the electricity of the moment. "We got interrupted pretty quickly of course and later that morning Josh said it was inappropriate."

"Inappropriate in that 'crazy puritanical American thing about dating your co-workers' way?"

"Yeah. Inappropriate that way. At least that's the way I presume he meant it," Donna blushed again. "I told him it was bound to happen eventually and then that night I tried to slip him my hotel keycard."

"You've been together, what? About a month?" Colin asked, making the logical assumption.

Donna shook her head with a sardonic smile. "The keycard pass got intercepted by one of the women on the campaign. We didn't actually get together until the night before the election. Everyone was pairing up for a little bit of pre-election stress relief and I came onto Josh pretty strong. Afterwards was when it started to get weird. I got up about three o'clock to check the wires on my laptop, Josh chased me into the bathroom and essentially accused me of trying to sneak out."

"Wereyou?" Colin shivered at the sense of familiarity in this part of the story. While she hadn't snuck out on him, she had gotten out of bed and headed for her laptop.

"No!"

"Did you putyour clothes on?"

"It was cold!"

"Donna, you two had sex and then at three o'clock in the morning you head for the bathroom and put your clothes on. It's not an unreasonable assumption that you were about to leave."

She sighed and took a drink of her third iced latte. The caffeine was going to have her up all night, she knew. "I wasn't going to leave."

"So he comes into the bathroom and then what?"

"It got weirder. He… he seemed to think that we were going to make out or take a shower or something… I don't know. At that point, I had to leave. I had to get out of there, so I went for coffee. By the time I got back the whole staff was in our room." Part of Donna was mortified that she was telling this stuff to someone she barely knew. The rest of her cringed at how pathetic it all sounded.

"How did you get from there to a vacation in the Virgin Islands?"

Donna shrugged, not wanting to admit the truth.

"You just had more sex, didn't you?" Colin laughed at the way Donna turned bright red.

"Once, then we found out about Leo. McGarry? Vice Presidential candidate?" Donna prompted at Colin's confused look.

"You went back to D.C. for the funeral then?"

"Yeah. That's when it goes from weird to bizarre. See, I sublet my apartment during the campaign and the tenant hadn't moved out yet. So I needed a place to stay and Josh just seemed to expect me to stay with him."

"You weren't comfortable with that?"

"We hadn't talked about our relationship at all and all of a sudden he just assumes I'm going to move in?" Donna sounded almost indignant.

"It sounds like you still haven't talked about your relationship," Colin pointed out.

"That's what happened yesterday."

"We're skipping ahead a bit, though. What happened after the funeral?"

"After the funeral Josh just threw himself into the transition."

"And yet, here you are, on vacation." Colin smiled and spread his hands apart.

"Josh went to California to recruit an old friend of his to work for him and Sam said the only way he would is if Josh took a vacation."

"Did Josh want to go on vacation?"

"I think he knew he had to. He'd just torn into one of the poor kids on the staff. He was living on Tums and Red Bull and not sleeping. I mean, I know why he was doing it. He was trying to prove to everyone, including himself, that he could do it without Leo and he was just trying too hard."

Colin looked thoughtful for a moment. "And you'd just told him he had four weeks to figure out your relationship?"

"He was strung out before that."

"But you told him that regardless?"

"I told him that because it's true. Once we get into office, there's no time to discuss a relationship."

"If there's no time to discuss a relationship once you get into office, how are you going to have a relationship?"

Donna ran her finger down the sweat on the outside of her iced latte. "I have no idea. That's what we need to talk about."

"You said earlier that Josh thinks you're going to leave him. Why does he think that?"

"I have before," Donna admitted. "Twice. Professionally, both times."

"Once after the bombing in Gaza?" Donna nodded in response to Colin's rhetorical question. "When was the other?"

"About two months after I started…" Donna trailed off. Of all the mortifying stories in her life, this one was the most embarrassing.

"What happened?"

"Nothing, really. It's just… Something came up back home and I had to leave for a while." She tried to shrug it off.

"Donna," Colin cocked his head to the side, not buying her story for a minute. "Please. It can't be 'nothing' if it's still a problem almost ten years later."

Donna sighed. "I'd left my boyfriend to go to New Hampshire and he'd been calling me and begging me to come back, saying everything would be different and how sorry he was and… so I did. I believed his crap and I left the campaign and went back home to Wisconsin. Except I got in a car accident a couple of weeks after I got home and on his way to pick me up from the hospital, the jackass stopped by the bar for a beer with his buddies."

Colin stared at Donna for what felt like eternity before he leaned forward and spoke. "Josh isn't that guy, Donna. He didn't stop for anything to get to Germany. What does that tell you? He's in love with you and you tell him, at the busiest time of his life, that he has to figure out what's going on between the two of you or you're out of there. Of course he's afraid you're going to leave him, you pretty much announced your intentions."

"I have not! I'm here, aren't I?"

"Then that's what you need to tell him," Colin leaned back. "And don't discount his worries out of hand. You wouldn't like it if he did that to you. His concern might seem stupid or trivial to you, but it's very real to him and he's taken a huge step by telling you what's bothering him. And if you don't think telling him will convince him, show him."

Those words rang in Donna's ears long after Colin paid their tab and with a kiss to her cheek melted into the crowds. She mulled the question of how to take Colin's advice over as she picked up souvenirs for various friends and family. Window shopping her way back to the ferry late in the afternoon, she was suddenly struck by an idea. The only problem was that it was going to require some nearly divine intervention. Pulling her cell phone from her pocket, she turned it on and pondered who to call. She couldn't call CJ. Josh was on CJ's shit list right now and Donna wasn't in the mood to get yelled at for not being able to put him on the phone. In a moment of bravado, she dialed the White House switchboard and asked for the President. By the time her call was switched, Donna had about decided this was the dumbest thing she'd ever done. Next to baring her soul to Colin Ayres, that is.

"Donnatella Moss! How are you?"

"Mr. President," Donna stammered. She had been certain her call would have been intercepted by Debbie Fiderer and hadn't been prepared to actually speak to President Bartlet. "I'm fine."

"To what do I owe the pleasure of your call?"

Sucking up her courage, Donna explained the reason for her call. "I need a favor, Mr. President…"


	6. Chapter 6

After Donna left to catch the ferry, Josh headed down to sit by the pool. Sinking into a chaise lounge, he closed his eyes behind his sunglasses and let his body relax while his mind tossed over the words he'd exchanged the day before with Donna. He regretted none of them. If anything, he wished he'd said more. Wished he'd further explained how she'd made him feel after Gaza when he'd tried to institute his own version of her Rules to help her ease back into work and she'd acted as though he was trying to control her. He'd felt that way too, at first. A grown man not allowed to answer the phone and being told by his assistant when he could have visitors and what they could talk to him about, but he'd accepted that she had his best interests at heart and gone along with it. Donna had shut him out, hadn't asked him for advice hadn't told him the networks were calling – he'd had to find that one out from Toby of all people. It had made him feel like she didn't want him in her life any more, didn't trust him to look out for her.

Perhaps that was because she saw him as unable to provide the career advancement she craved. Things had really started to unravel between them when he'd started having problems at work. First the Carrick thing, and even though he'd turned that benching into an all-star appearance, it had taken a long time to regain the President's and Leo's trust and he barely had enough leverage to advance the needs of the country, let alone the needs of Donnatella Moss. He'd thought she'd understood that. Then he'd worked every angle he could to get her on the CODEL. It hadn't been the greatest arrangement, he would admit, but it was what he could get and he sold it to Leo as an arrangement that would get White House would get second set of unofficial eyes and ears on the ground.

Then Leo had his heart attack and Josh fully expected to the job to be his. CJ being promoted over him had been the most humiliating experience of his life. For six years he had been CJ's superior, whether she'd ever liked to acknowledge it or not. He'd never say this out loud, but she had nowhere near the standing in the Party he did or the legislative experience or even the advisory experience in the White House. But he'd swallowed the bitter pill and put on a happy face and gone about serving the President and the nation despite the fact CJ started issuing him orders through Charlie.

He hadn't been good enough for her during the primaries. They'd barely held a civil conversation and the one that was closest to it had ended with her telling him she'd learned everything she knew about politics from Will and that had been just another stab in his heart. Then she'd come to him for a job after the convention and tried to play on their past friendship for a job as his deputy.

He recalled a conversation they'd had while Leo had still beenChief of Staff and he'd given her the assignment of paring down the pardon list. One of the applicants they'd declined had committed suicide and she'd said she needed to learn to keep things at arm's length. He'd replied that he hoped not, but apparently she had and he was one of those things. The way she'd pushed him away after the CODEL bombing had left him confused. He had no idea who he was to her anymore and every conversation he tried to have with her about it muddied the waters even more.

The only women who had ever made him feel this unbalanced had been Mandy Hampton and Amy Gardner, and he knew they'd done it on purpose. It was their way of controlling him. The problem was that after that,when he'd been sitting in a hallway in a US military hospital in Germany, he'd discovered he wasn't really interested inbeing one half of a professional power couple anymore.

What did he want out of this thing between them, he asked himself. If her career was more important to Donna than he was, could he live with it? He'd have to, he supposed. The most important thing to him, he realized with sudden clarity, was that Donna be happy. If this vacation was the last time they ever spent together, he knew he could live with it as long as Donna was happy. It wouldn't make him happy and there was a high likelihood there would be a dark spot on his soul for the rest of his life, but he would accept it and move on with his life. He couldn't pinpoint the precise moment when he knew he was in love with Donna, but it was something he'd grown to know over the course of years and was an accepted fact of his life by the he was throwing snowballs at her window on the night of Bartlet's second Inauguration. He remembered telling Commander Reece all the crazy stories about her that made him like her. Like her, he snorted, hell they made him love her. And that was it, in the end, Josh knew. He loved her and he would do whatever he had to do to make her happy. Even walk away.

As for the rest of the vacation, they had three days left, counting today, and the last day was a travel day. Donna was right. They were adults and if this thing between them wasn't meant to be romantic and long-term, they could finish the vacation out as friends. He owed her that, he figured.


	7. Chapter 7

Josh wasn't in their room when Donna returned to the resort on St. John. Putting her souvenir bags in the corner, she headed down to the beach to look for him. It didn't take long for her to find him in the bar with his injured foot resting on the stool to his right. It was almost dinner time and aside from Josh and the bartender, the bar was empty.

"Hey." Donna rubbed Josh's shoulder as she slid onto the stool to his left.

"Hi." Josh turned his head.

"You got some sun." Even in the fading light of the sunset, she could see his face was red.

"Some. Did you have a good trip?" he asked, shifting the conversation away from his sunburn.

Donna had no more desire to discuss her shopping expedition than Josh did his time in the sun. "I did. Are you hungry?"

"We've got reservations at eight. I took a chance on when you'd be back."

"What time is it?" Donna asked the bartender. She'd left her watch in her apartment in D.C.

"It's almost 7:50, ma'am," the woman answered.

"We should head over to the restaurant," Josh said, gingerly removing his foot from its perch.

He was dressed for a nice dinner, Donna saw as he stood: white slacks and a light blue short-sleeved dress shirt. She was wearing the same sundress she'd worn all day and if she could look in a mirror she'd be mortified at her hair and make up, she knew.

"I'm not dressed, Josh!" she exclaimed.

Josh used situating himself on his crutches to buy a minute before answering. "Why don't you run upstairs and get ready, and then meet me at there? We've got a table at the Equator Restaurant."

He couldn't be annoyed, he told himself, as he made his way to across the resort. They hadn't discussed having dinner at all and he had taken the time to get cleaned up and dressed. Hell, he'd even taken the ferry to St. Thomas to buy new clothes to wear to dinner tonight when he discovered the dressiest thing he'd brought had been a pair of cargo shorts and a polo shirt. He'd probably never wear these white linen trousers or the matching white shoes again, but for reasons he knew only in his heart, it was important that Donna see him put for the effort. Even if didn't mean to her what it meant to him.

As soon as the maitre de ushered her to the table the staff swept in, delivering shrimp cocktail, rattling off the special and going through the whole wine approval routine with Josh. The wine was her favorite, a white zinfandel, Donna noticed, not the red Josh normally preferred. Once the staff whirled away and she could relax, she noticed how beautiful the scene was. The outdoor patio overlooked Caneel Bay and seemed to be lit by flaming torches, though Donna trusted they were more decorative than functional. Off in the distance, she could see the lights of St. Thomas.

"What are you having?" Donna asked, overwhelmed by the menu.

"The special," Josh replied. "Because I don't understand half this," he lifted the menu up, "and I can at least envision what a swordfish looks like."

The meal was quiet; both of them lost in their individual thoughts, trying to decide how to broach the conversations each wanted to have.

"Can we talk?" Donna asked as they drank coffee and she poked her tiramisu with her dessert fork. She'd been working up her courage all dinner to do what Colin had suggested earlier in the day and now was the time. If they went back to their room, there was nothing to stop it from devolving into a shouting match that accomplished nothing.

"Sure," Josh nodded, grateful he didn't have to bring talking up two days in a row. Because it had gone so well the day before.

"You asked me yesterday what we are to me, if it was just casual sex, and I got pretty upset that you would think that."

"I didn't ask if it was just casual sex," Josh interrupted. "I asked if it was a campaign fling or if it was something you could see being long term. You fixated on the casual sex part."

Donna nodded. "I did, and because I did and because of some other things I've done over the past couple of years, I gave you the impression that this thing between us doesn't mean very much to me. Especially since…" she paused and took a deep breath. "Especially since Gaza, I've pushed you away. I was so wrapped up in myself that I didn't see what you could and couldn't do for me. I just expected you to give me what I wanted and when you didn't, I got mad, furiously mad that I'd been wasting my life as your assistant. Except that wasn't all of it."

Josh didn't move and he didn't blink, he just looked at her with an indecipherable look on his face. Part of him was sick of hearing the recitation of how badly he'd allegedly treated her and wanted to storm out, but this seemed to have a new spin on it, so he remained in his seat, watching Donna shred cocktail napkins.

"Before I left for Gaza, I had a conversation with CJ and she told me I had outgrown my job a long time ago and that the only reason I was staying was because of the way I felt about you and how that you were only sending me to Gaza to shut me up. Donna looked up from the napkin she'd shredded to meet Josh's eyes. "It was the single most humiliating conversation of my life."

Josh pursed his lips before replying. This wasn't the discussion he was expecting to have and he wanted to think through each of his answers carefully. "And it never occurred to you to talk to me about that stuff?"

"What if I had talked to you and found out for sure CJ was right?"

"And what if you had talked to me and found out CJ was wrong?" Josh asked softly as he toyed with his flatware.

Donna took a deep breath and remembered Colin's advice to be honest. "Because I didn't want her to be wrong. I wanted to be angry with you. Especially after I got back. It was easier to be mad at you than myself, because you were right yesterday. As much as I badgered you to let me grow in my job, I couldn't see that I already had. I walked in off the street with the ability to type and answer the phones and you gave me the chance to be a part of something important and you taught me so much along the way. When I went to work for the Russell campaign there wasn't anything I couldn't do, I just didn't realize where I'd learned it all and I want to thank you for that, because I never really have."

"You're welcome," Josh replied, blinking back the emotion he felt in his eyes.

"I'm going to take the job with the First Lady," Donna continued. "It seems a bit overwhelming, I mean, I've never managed people on that scale before or developed policy..."

"You'll do fine," Josh interjected. He could feel his heart sinking to his stomach. Despite all the thinking he'd done during the afternoon, it still hurt to watch her retreat from their relationship into her professional world. He wondered when if this was why he'd always gravitated toward women like Mandy, because they both knew up front they weren't investing in each other so neither of them was going to get hurt.

"Josh?" Donna watched him start to drift off.

"Hmm?" He snapped back to the conversation.

"I was asking what you want?" Donna waved her hand at the space between the two of them. "What do you want this to be?"

"I just want you to be happy. Nothing more, nothing less."

She could see the naked fear and trepidation in his body language. He was laying himself bare to her and it seemed as though he almost expected the worst.

"What would make me happy is being with you. I'm not going anywhere, Josh. This isn't just some campaign fling to me. Nothing feels more right to me then when I'm with you, even when I'm taking care of you. After Leo died, making sure you were okay wasn't a chore, it wasn't part of the job, it was right. I shouldn't have put the pressure of a timeframe on our relationship during the transition and I'm sorry I haven't done more to keep the staff in line, but…"

"Donna?" Josh interrupted as she started rambling.

"Excuse me, Miss Moss?" The hotel's concierge approached the table holding an envelope. "You've had a delivery from the Governor's office. They said it was to be placed in your hands immediately."

Donna took the envelope and opened it. His answer to her question had nearly made her cry and she used checking the papers as an excuse to pull herself together. After verifying they were what she thought they were, Donna closed the envelope and sat up straighter. It was time to stop waiting for Josh to act like Prince Charming. This wasn't a fairy tale and there was no reason that she couldn't take the bull by the horns. "Yesterday, you said that we'd both said and done a lot of things to hurt each other and you apologized. I want to do the same. Josh, I apologize for everything I've ever done or said that's hurt you and it's important to me that you know I mean that from the depths of my heart."

Josh closed his eyes. Accepting her apology meant letting go of the anger and disappointment and victimization he'd been carrying around for the past year. Their conversation tonight made it clear that Donna had carried her share of baggage as well. If she could let go of it, then he could too, he decided. It felt like an eternity to Donna before Josh opened his eyes, but when he did, she noticed they were a deeper shade of brown.

Nodding his head, Josh found it difficult to vocalize his feelings. The corners of his mouth twitched as he tried to find the right words. "I can work with that."

Donna smiled tremulously. She was about to take a huge step and despite the moment they'd just shared, she had no idea how he'd react.

"Then this is what it would take to make me happy," she said, handing him the envelope.

Josh took it and pulled the forms out. "Application for… Donna, this is a marriage license."

"It is. Getting married to you would make me happy and doing it sooner rather than later would make me happier still."

"Are you sure about this? When? How did you…" Josh looked at her in confusion.

"I called in a favor."

"Donna, I don't…"

"What do you want, Josh?" Donna pushed, praying that what he didn't want was to get married.

"I want to make you happy," Josh said again softly.

"Then marry me. Marry me tomorrow on the beach at sunset. We'll go to St. Thomas tomorrow and get rings and bribe the concierge into providing us a minister and a photographer and we'll go back home committed to making this work."

"I meant what I said yesterday, Donna. I'm going to screw up. I'm going to be late, grumpy, annoying…" Josh looked down at the marriage application and license again. Everything was suitably backdated to allow them to get married at any point from today forward. "I don't mean to put this all on you, but I'm going to need you to point out to me when I'm screwing up. If you can't accept that, then we shouldn't do this."

"I know, Josh. I know and I know we both need to do a better job of communicating what we need from each other."

"What about your career?"

"When I was trying to decide who to call in a favor from earlier today, I knew I couldn't call CJ because she'd want to talk to you. On the ferry ride back here, I remembered something you told me, about how you hoped I wouldn't learn to keep things at arm's length all the time and I realized that's what I was doing. I was keeping the people I loved at arm's length and I was looking to my job for personal gratification."

"That's no way to live," Josh whispered. "Trust me, I know."

"I'm going to take the job as Mrs. Santos' Chief of Staff because I think I can be a real asset to her and make a difference in a fundamental way in early childhood education and adoption and all the stuff from the 'what a shame file.' You can find anyone to be deputy press secretary. What?" Donna asked. Josh's smile had been widening exponentially as she spoke.

"The other morning, when I saw your cell phone and the call sheet, I couldn't figure out why I was so annoyed that you brought it. The only way I could put it into words is that it felt like I'd gone on vacation with Amy Gardner." Josh held up a hand to forestall any outburst at the comparison. "That thing you said just now? That's the woman I fell in love with: the woman with the passion to change the world at its most basic level for the good of someone else, not herself. That's the woman who kept me honest with her mere presence for so long and that's the woman who's invaluable in my life."


	8. Chapter 8

"Welcome back, Josh!" Matt Santos waved his Chief of Staff into his office without looking up from his desk. "How was your time off?"

"Very refreshing, sir, thank you," Josh answered. He'd come in to find the office disturbingly organized. "Sam kept a steady hand on the rudder for you, sir?"

"He did, but we're both glad you're back." Matt finally looked up and noticed the crutches. "What happened to you?"

"I had an altercation with nature, sir, and nature won."

"An altercation?"

"I fell off a reef and sliced the bottom of my foot open. We had to walk two hours to reach civilization and it got infected. I should be off the crutches tomorrow, sir," Josh explained.

"Where's Donna, by the way?"

"I believe she's at Blair House with your wife, sir."

"I was asked to personally give the two of you a message from the President of the United States the instant you stepped foot in my office. It's very difficult for me to deliver that message if she's at Blair House," Santos said.

"I can call her and have her come over, sir."

"Why don't you just stop and pick her up on your way to the White House?" Santos suggested. "The President's expecting you. Nice tan, by the way."

Josh smiled and nodded. It hadn't taken him long to get Donna to tell him who she'd called a favor in from. He'd simply tickled it out of her on their wedding night.

"Thank you, sir."

The best perk of being Chief of Staff was having a driver, Josh decided as he slid into the backseat of the Secret Service chauffeured Lincoln Town Car. As the driver put the car into gear, Josh dialed Donna's cell phone.

"Hey, you."

"Hey, beautiful," he replied unable to help the smile that touched his lips at the mere sound of her voice. "The President has summoned us to the White House. I'm on the way to pick you up right now. Please tell me you have some pictures?"

"I do. I've been waiting for someone to notice the ring and ask and I was going to whip the photographic evidence out."

"Yeah, the President-Elect noticed the crutches but not the ring."

"Did you use that stupid 'nature won' line?"

"I did. He laughed. Get over it. We're here, by the way."

"Let me tell Mrs. Santos I'm leaving."

Three minutes later, Donna opened the car door and slid in beside Josh, and five minutes after that Debbie Fiderer was ushering them into the Oval Office.

"Joshua and Donnatella!" President Bartlet stood and met them halfway across the room. "You look wonderful."

"Thank you, sir," they replied in near unison.

"Except for the crutches. Josh, what happened?"

"He fell off a reef and sliced the bottom of his foot open," Donna answered before Josh could open his mouth. He shot her a wounded look.

"You better get used to that, son," Bartlet laughed.

"Yes, sir. And thank you very much for expediting the marriage license for us, sir. We really do appreciate it," Josh said.

"Have you told anyone yet?"

"Just our parents," Donna replied. "We're waiting to see if anyone notices the rings."

"Why don't we start with CJ? She's been screaming for your head for a week. Perhaps if she knew you were incommunicado for a reason, she'd get over it."

Josh and Donna exchanged looks and Josh shrugged. "If you think it's best, sir."

"I do." Bartlet walked over to the door separating the Oval Office from his Chief of Staff's. "CJ? Would you join me in here, please?"

"Josh Lyman!" CJ screeched when she laid eyes on him. "I have been trying to call you for over a week!"

"You've been trying to yell at me for over a week," Josh clarified. "People kept telling you that I was on vacation and yet that didn't stop you."

"Is that true, CJ?" Bartlet turned to the woman and raised his eyebrows. "Were you going to yell at Josh on his vacation?"

"I didn't actually think you were on vacation," CJ admitted. "I thought you were avoiding me because you didn't want me to yell at you."

"There was that, too," Josh shrugged.

"Why don't you tell CJ what you did while you were on vacation, Josh," Bartlet prompted. He was enjoying his role in this little charade a bit too much, Josh thought.

"I got married."

"To who?" CJ's jaw nearly hit the floor and she completely missed Donna's pained look. "Seriously? Who would marry an egotistical jackass like you? And I say that with all love."

"Me," Donna answered for him.

CJ looked at Donna as if seeing her for the first time. "Really?" She laughed. "You agreed to marry him? You weren't drunk were you?"

"She asked me," Josh clarified the how of the event. "And neither of us wasdrunk."

"You asked him?" CJ was stunned. She knew they'd buried the hatchet, but she had been pretty certain Donna was long over whatever feelings she'd had for Josh.

"Show her the pictures, Donna," Josh prodded.

CJ took the envelope and pulled out the first picture of Josh and Donna standing on a beach at sunset, tiki torches on either side. Josh was wearing white linen pants and a short sleeved blue dress shirt that was open at the collar and Donna was wearing a pale yellow sundress. Neither of them waswearing shoes.

"You got married on a tropical beach at sunset?" Her voice was filled with awe and jealousy.

"We got married on a tropical beach at sunset," Donna confirmed.

"Show me the ring!"

CJ fawned over the ring and the pictures and apologized for calling, insisting she hadn't actually believedSam when he'd told her Josh was on vacation. The President filched a couple of the pictures "to show Abbey," wished them well and sent them on about their day.

It was early evening before anyone noticed Donna's new accessory on their own and it was, of course, Helen Santos. The noticing occurred at the top of her lungs in front of the entire transition staff. The two women were waiting outside the President-Elect's office for him to finish a meeting when Donna reached up to scratch a bit of remaining sunburn on her nose.

"What's that?" Helen grabbed Donna's hand and demanded. Loudly. So loudly, in fact that all work in the bullpen came to a screeching halt. Josh, who had been sequestered in his office with Sam going over what had happened in his absence, limped to the door and casually leaned against the door jamb with Sam at his shoulder.

"It's a ring," Donna stated the obvious while blushing. It wasn't that she was embarrassed that she'd married Josh, she was just embarrassed to have it pointed out to the entire staff when they hadn't even told Sam yet. And Sam was looking pretty shocked at the moment.

"I see that it's a ring. Is it…" Helen tilted her head and shrugged one shoulder, trying to ask the question without coming out and asking the question.

"Yes. It's a wedding ring. I got married while I was on vacation." Donna said in a loud enough voice for everyone to hear while never taking her eyes off of Josh, who was getting a congratulatory hug from Sam.

"To who?" Helen asked, having missed the manly celebration happening ten feet away.

"To who, what?" Matt asked, ushering his latest appointment out of his office.

"Donna got married while she was on vacation!" Helen pointed at the ring on Donna's left hand. "And I asked her who she got married to."

Matt turned his head to look at Josh, who continued to lean against his door jamb with a smug look on his face, before addressing Donna. "Is it safe to presume it wasn't to the cabana boy?"

"No, sir, it was not to the cabana boy," Donna laughed, ducking her head.

Realization dawned across Helen's face as she remembered who Donna had gone on vacation with. "You got married to…" She looked over at Josh and then back to Donna before finishing her sentence with disbelief. "…Josh?"

"Why is it so hard to believe that Donna would marry me?" Josh demanded.

"Because you're a workaholic jackass who doesn't have social skills or a life?" Lou asked from the midst of the assembled crowd of staffers.

"Yeah, well, that's changing," Josh announced.

"Which part?" Sam quipped.

"Et tu, Brute?" Josh retorted.

"What? You expected me to be happy that you beat me to the altar?" Sam raised his eyebrows.

"Josh, Donna. In my office," Matt ordered, ending the banter. He waited until everyone, including his wife, was in the office before closing the door.

"First of all, congratulations," he began. "Second of all, why am I just finding out about this now? Josh, you've been in the office all day. I asked how your vacation was once and what you did twice. You didn't think you should have mentioned that you got married?"

"We didn't want to make a big deal out of it, sir," Josh answered.

"You got married! That's a big deal!" Santos looked at his wife for confirmation that marriage was in fact a big deal.

"We made a lot of decisions last week, sir and to be honest, marriage wasn't the biggest one," Donna spoke up. Josh gave her an encouraging nod, so she continued. "Getting married was the culmination of forgiving each other for a lot past sins and deciding we could forgive each other for a lot of future ones. Those were the most important decisions and they were intensely personal, sir. As far as the marriage thing, there's enough going on around here, we just thought we'd tell people as they noticed the rings."

"Or the tax forms," Josh added. "We're not hiding anything, sir. We're just not taking a full page ad out in the New York Times."

"I think the cat's pretty much out of the bag," Helen smiled. "I didn't mean to embarrass you like that, I was just shocked. I didn't even realize you were seeing anyone until Matt told me you and Josh were going on vacation last week and I didn't know it was that serious."

"We've been dancing around each other for nine years, ma'am. It was time we started acting like grown-ups," Josh said. "Sir, I've got stuff to finish up so I can get out of here at a reasonable hour tonight…"

"Go," Matt said. "Now, what was it the two of you wanted?"

"I wanted to bring you home for dinner; Donna was just along for the ride. Although I see now she had nefarious motives." Helen smirked at her newly minted Chief of Staff.

"Go," Matt repeated his order and Donna complied with a "thank you."

Josh was putting a few vetting files in his backpack under Sam's watchful eye when she appeared at his door.

"Congratulations," Sam said, giving her a kiss on the cheek. "I'm happy for you."

"You're happy for her but not me?" Josh gave his best friend a wounded look as he hoisted his backpack to his shoulders and tucked his crutches under his arms.

"Ah, I'm happy for both of you," Sam admitted. "You deserve it. Have a good night."

"You, too. Don't work too late."

"Who are you and what have you done with Josh Lyman?"

"Otto!" Josh bellowed as he left the office.

"There he is," Sam laughed as he veered off to his own office.

"Yes, sir?"

"I'm out for the night."

"It's six o'clock. You never leave this early."

"I do now. It's part of my new plan to get a life."

"You're getting a life?" Otto sounded confused.

"I am and it involves leaving the office at a reasonable hour."

"What if somebody calls for you?"

"Take a message," Donna called over her shoulder as she and Josh headed out the door.

The car was waiting out front. "Where to, sir?" the Secret Service agent holding the door open asked.

Josh glanced at Donna who shrugged. "Home and we'll be in all night."


End file.
